Unlock emotional insights with Sensitivity in Every Stride
הרב שי טחןיט שבט, תשפד29/01/2024Often, a person may righteously blame the other side's family, firmly believing that their words are undoubtedly true... they inflict a much deeper and more profound hurt
תגיות:פרשת יתרומשפחהבית
In marriage, one of the most agonizing actions is speaking negatively about a spouse's family, whether directed at parents, siblings, or anyone else. Such words penetrate to the core of the heart, feeling like cuts from a sharp razor. Often, a person may righteously blame the other side's family, firmly believing that their words are undoubtedly true and that the spouse should concur. However, what goes unnoticed is that even if the harsh words happen to be true, they inflict a much deeper and more profound hurt.
The question arises: why does it cause so much pain when a spouse speaks critically about one's own family, whereas if someone from within the family does the same about another family member, it doesn't evoke a similar reaction?
Let's address this question within the context of our parasha. Towards the end of our parasha, we encounter the gravity of hurting one's feelings, juxtaposed with the beginning that highlights the pain associated with speaking ill about one's people. The concluding portion introduces the construction of the altar, the מזבח. Notably, the Torah mandates that the altar must not be built with steps leading up to it; instead, a ramp is to be used. The reason provided in the Pasuk is to prevent the ערוה (private parts) of a person from being exposed.
Rashi's commentary delves into the intricacies of this directive, explaining that ascending steps causes a person's legs to rise, potentially exposing their private parts. This exposure is deemed disrespectful to the stones of the altar. Therefore, the Torah instructs the construction of a ramp where the Cohen can ascend without raising his legs. Rashi concludes with a profound lesson: if the Torah is meticulous about avoiding disrespect even to inanimate stones, which lack feelings, it underscores the importance of being cautious not to insult or degrade our friends who do have feelings and experience pain when hurt or insulted. This imparts a powerful message about the significance of empathy and consideration in our interactions with others.
Stones, being devoid of feelings, remain static in any scenario. In contrast, humans are responsive to their emotions and exhibit visible reactions, particularly when experiencing hurt or shame. Chazal highlight this by stating, "המלבין פני חבירו אין לו חלק לעולם הבא" (Bava Metzia 58b), indicating that one who causes embarrassment to their fellow will not have a share in the world to come. The Gemara explains that the face of a person undergoing embarrassment first turns red and then changes to pale. This concept of changing facial color in moments of embarrassment is reiterated in Chazal at various places (see Avot 3:11 and similarly in Berachot 43b).
Our parasha illustrates this phenomenon, shedding light on the body language of a person when hurt. The way an individual changes their facial expression serves as a clear indicator of the emotional impact experienced in moments of distress.
״ויחד יתרו על כל הטובה אשר עשה ה’ לישראל אשר הצילו מיד מצרים״ (שמות יח,ט)
רש״י: ויחד יתרו -
וישמח יתרו; זהו פשוטו. ומדרשו: נעשה בשרו חדודין חדודין מיצר על איבוד מצרים, היינו דאמרי אינשי: גיורא עד עשרא דרי לא תבזי ארמאה באפיה.
The Pasuk indicates that when Moshe Rabenu shared with his father-in-law Yitro the events involving the Egyptians and Hashem's salvation of the Jewish nation, Yitro felt happy. However, Rashi provides an additional interpretation for the word ויחד, explaining that Yitro's skin became wrinkled due to grief and sorrow over the loss of the Egyptians. Rashi concludes with the saying that one should not degrade an Arameic in front of a convert.
While these two explanations may seem conflicting, they are not. Yitro initially came to meet Moshe, expressing joy upon hearing about the events concerning the Egyptians. However, when Moshe repeats the same information, it unexpectedly causes Yitro pain. This raises a question for those born Jewish who may not fully grasp the emotions of a convert. For a convert, the issue is clear – speaking negatively about other nations in their presence evokes mixed feelings. They may acknowledge the truth and be happy to be part of the chosen nation, but simultaneously feel hurt and pained by negative words about where they came from. Sensitivity to these mixed emotions is crucial, recognizing the complexity of a convert's feelings in such situations.
Moreover, a careful examination of Rashi's insightful words (as mentioned above) reveals another important perspective. Rashi indicates that Yitro was hurt upon hearing about the downfall of the Egyptians. While it's understandable that speaking negatively about someone's nation would be hurtful, the question arises: why was Yitro, who wasn't from the Egyptians, pained by their downfall?
Rashi's advice not to degrade an Arameic in front of a convert raises further questions. It might be expected that he would caution against degrading an Arameic in front of an Arameic convert specifically. However, the wording suggests that speaking about any gentile could cause a convert pain, even if they aren't from that specific nation.
The answer lies in the heightened sensitivity of a convert concerning how others perceive them. A convert is often unsure of complete acceptance and may harbor suspicions that people might be whispering behind their back, suggesting that they aren't truly part of Klal Yisrael. This underlying uncertainty makes a convert particularly sensitive to discussions about any gentile nation, reflecting the complex dynamics of their integration into the Jewish community.
Subconsciously, this situation conveys a message to the convert that a Jew perceives the world as divided into two camps: Klal Yisrael and those who are not. The convert often fears being viewed as part of the latter camp, contributing to the mixed feelings experienced. This dynamic explains Yitro's contrasting reactions when hearing about Egypt from a non-Jewish source, initially rejoicing, and later from Moshe, causing visible pain reflected in the wrinkles on his body.
Rashi's guidance against insulting any gentile nation in front of a convert stems from this sensitivity. The convert's potential discomfort arises not only from discussions about their specific origin but extends to any gentile nation due to the overarching concern of being associated with an external camp.
This insight also sheds light on the intense emotional impact of speaking negatively about one's spouse's family. Psychologically, individuals tend to compartmentalize themselves into two groups: their original family and the new family formed with their spouse. Speaking negatively about the other's family can create a sense of distancing, causing pain and triggering a multitude of emotions.
Our parasha imparts a powerful lesson, emphasizing the need for careful consideration in our words and discussions, especially regarding sensitive topics that can impact individuals on a deep and personal level.
The question arises: why does
Let's address this question within the context of our parasha. Towards the end of our parasha, we encounter the gravity of hurting one's feelings, juxtaposed with the beginning that highlights the pain associated with speaking ill about one's people. The concluding portion introduces the construction of the altar, the מזבח. Notably, the Torah mandates that the altar must not be built with steps leading up to it; instead, a ramp is to be used. The reason provided in the Pasuk is to prevent the ערוה (private parts) of a person from being exposed.
Rashi's commentary delves into the intricacies of this directive, explaining that ascending steps causes a person's legs to rise, potentially exposing their private parts. This exposure is deemed disrespectful to the stones of the altar. Therefore, the Torah instructs the construction of a ramp where the Cohen can ascend without raising his legs. Rashi concludes with a profound lesson: if the Torah is meticulous about avoiding disrespect even to inanimate stones, which lack feelings, it underscores the importance of being cautious not to insult or degrade our friends who do have feelings and experience pain when hurt or insulted. This imparts a powerful message about the significance of empathy and consideration in our interactions with others.
Stones, being devoid of feelings, remain static in any scenario. In contrast, humans are responsive to their emotions and exhibit visible reactions, particularly when experiencing hurt or shame. Chazal highlight this by stating, "המלבין פני חבירו אין לו חלק לעולם הבא" (Bava Metzia 58b), indicating that one who causes embarrassment to their fellow will not have a share in the world to come. The Gemara explains that the face of a person undergoing embarrassment first turns red and then changes to pale. This concept of changing facial color in moments of embarrassment is reiterated in Chazal at various places (see Avot 3:11 and similarly in Berachot 43b).
Our parasha illustrates this phenomenon, shedding light on the body language of a person when hurt. The way an individual changes their facial expression serves as a clear indicator of the emotional impact experienced in moments of distress.
״ויחד יתרו על כל הטובה אשר עשה ה’ לישראל אשר הצילו מיד מצרים״ (שמות יח,ט)
רש״י: ויחד יתרו -
וישמח יתרו; זהו פשוטו. ומדרשו: נעשה בשרו חדודין חדודין מיצר על איבוד מצרים, היינו דאמרי אינשי: גיורא עד עשרא דרי לא תבזי ארמאה באפיה.
The Pasuk indicates that when Moshe Rabenu shared with his father-in-law Yitro the events involving the Egyptians and Hashem's salvation of the Jewish nation, Yitro felt happy. However, Rashi provides an additional interpretation for the word ויחד, explaining that Yitro's skin became wrinkled due to grief and sorrow over the loss of the Egyptians. Rashi concludes with the saying that one should not degrade an Arameic in front of a convert.
While these two explanations may seem conflicting, they are not. Yitro initially came to meet Moshe, expressing joy upon hearing about the events concerning the Egyptians. However, when Moshe repeats the same information, it unexpectedly causes Yitro pain. This raises a question for those born Jewish who may not fully grasp the emotions of a convert. For a convert, the issue is clear – speaking negatively about other nations in their presence evokes mixed feelings. They may acknowledge the truth and be happy to be part of the chosen nation, but simultaneously feel hurt and pained by negative words about where they came from. Sensitivity to these mixed emotions is crucial, recognizing the complexity of a convert's feelings in such situations.
Moreover, a careful examination of Rashi's insightful words (as mentioned above) reveals another important perspective. Rashi indicates that Yitro was hurt upon hearing about the downfall of the Egyptians. While it's understandable that speaking negatively about someone's nation would be hurtful, the question arises: why was Yitro, who wasn't from the Egyptians, pained by their downfall?
Rashi's advice not to degrade an Arameic in front of a convert raises further questions. It might be expected that he would caution against degrading an Arameic in front of an Arameic convert specifically. However, the wording suggests that speaking about any gentile could cause a convert pain, even if they aren't from that specific nation.
The answer lies in the heightened sensitivity of a convert concerning how others perceive them. A convert is often unsure of complete acceptance and may harbor suspicions that people might be whispering behind their back, suggesting that they aren't truly part of Klal Yisrael. This underlying uncertainty makes a convert particularly sensitive to discussions about any gentile nation, reflecting the complex dynamics of their integration into the Jewish community.
Subconsciously, this situation conveys a message to the convert that a Jew perceives the world as divided into two camps: Klal Yisrael and those who are not. The convert often fears being viewed as part of the latter camp, contributing to the mixed feelings experienced. This dynamic explains Yitro's contrasting reactions when hearing about Egypt from a non-Jewish source, initially rejoicing, and later from Moshe, causing visible pain reflected in the wrinkles on his body.
Rashi's guidance against insulting any gentile nation in front of a convert stems from this sensitivity. The convert's potential discomfort arises not only from discussions about their specific origin but extends to any gentile nation due to the overarching concern of being associated with an external camp.
This insight also sheds light on the intense emotional impact of speaking negatively about one's spouse's family. Psychologically, individuals tend to compartmentalize themselves into two groups: their original family and the new family formed with their spouse. Speaking negatively about the other's family can create a sense of distancing, causing pain and triggering a multitude of emotions.
Our parasha imparts a powerful lesson, emphasizing the need for careful consideration in our words and discussions, especially regarding sensitive topics that can impact individuals on a deep and personal level.
הוסף תגובה
עוד מהרב שי טחן
עוד בנושא פרשת שבוע